I was searching for ideas to write about this week and found an article about “The Top 10 Marriage Tips” from a fellow blogger and thought I can write about this as well.

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My husband Myles and I will be celebrating 34 wonderful years of marriage this week, so I thought this was the perfect time to write about us and our journey.

 1984

When you look at the year, 1984, WOW!!! That seems like forever ago, time has gone by so fast. For you younger readers, you probably can’t even imagine back that far. What was it like back then? Trust me when you are celebrating your 34th anniversary you will feel the same way that I do right now. My Mother always told me the years go by so fast after you graduate high school. Boy, was she right! I have been out of school for 36 years….WHAT??? I am not old enough to be out of school that long…OH WAIT… Yes I am…when did that happen??

Back to the subject of marriage and our journey.

I met Myles while working for his father as a Cosmetologist in New Jersey. Myles was in the Navy at the time stationed in Guam with his 2 boys. He was going through a divorce at the time, unfortunately. Myles was on leave to get things taken care of and to bring his boys back to the states. He was in need of a haircut before heading back to Guam and came into his father’s shop. His father was very busy at the time, so I was asked if I would give Myles a haircut.

At the time I wasn’t interested in finding a guy because I was engaged. Deep down I knew this relationship wasn’t going any further and within a few months it was over.

Myles went back to Guam to finish his tour there. His boys stayed in New jersey with his parents. Myles parents were busy people, being involved in community theater and socializing with their friends. Having two young boys in their home was a big adjustment for them. They needed a babysitter now and then and asked if I would be interested.

Since I love children, I accepted. I got to know the boys, Christopher and Carl, pretty well. They were a lot of fun to watch.

Myles returned to New Jersey, being stationed at the Naval Weapons Station in Colts Neck, NJ. I would continue to give Myles his haircuts when he needed them. We talked a little bit during these times.

Myles got involved in the community theater with his parents and I continued to babysit the boys.

A little side note…the community theater group, Somerset Valley Players ,bought an old 1 room school house and turned it into a community theater, Somerset Valley Playhouse.

September came and Myles’ sister was throwing him a 25th birthday party. I was invited. At the end of the evening, I said goodbye and headed to my car. Myles followed me out the door and asked me out on a date. I said yes. If I remember right, we went to dinner.

Dating

During our dating days, we would go to the playhouse and help transform it into the playhouse it became. Since Myles was an electrician, he did all of the electrical work…with some help from me. Other days we would go skiing or just sit home with the boys.

I remember one specific date, after skiing all day we stopped for dinner. We were talking and enjoying our food…well I was talking. I looked up from my dinner plate and looked at Myles. He had fallen asleep…lol! I guess whatever I was talking about wasn’t very interesting. I said his name and he opened his eyes. I smiled at him and apologized. We finished our dinner and called it a night. We joke about that night to this day.

During the next few months on my days off, I would pick up Christopher and Carl and take them out for the day. Sometimes to Chuck E. Cheese, sometimes to the lake to swim, or a park to play. Myles would call his Mom to check on the boys and she would tell him they weren’t there, that I had picked them up and taken them for the day. I think this is when he knew I was the one.

When Myles would go to the shop for a haircut, I would always cut it. One day,  a good family friend was in the shop and watched the two of us. She always tells us the story of how Myles couldn’t take his eyes off of me the entire time he was in the shop. (I’m blushing!)

The Engagement

Jump ahead a few months. Myles and I were sitting in his parents kitchen talking and he told me he didn’t want to date any longer. I was dumbfounded. Why? What happened? My head was spinning. I didn’t understand this change!

Then he stood up and got down on one knee and said, “because I want you to be my wife”. He was holding a small black box that had an engagement ring in it.

Boy was I shocked!! I never expected this. We had never talked about getting married. I leaned over to him, hugged him, kissed him, and said, “Yes!”

Let the planning begin…

At the time I was renting a house with 3 other young ladies. The owner of the house wanted to move back in with their family so we had to leave. Myles and I found a house that was perfect for us, but neither of us could afford it on our own so we had to move in together. Back then living together wasn’t accepted as easily as it is today, and his parents were against it, so we picked a wedding date. It was 5 weeks away.

5 weeks is not a lot of time to plan a wedding. Myles kind of took charge of the planning. Things were happening so fast, we had to go to classes at the church, find a place for the reception, order flowers, find a dress, order tuxedoes, everything!!

We were getting married on a Sunday because Myles father, sister, and I were all hairdressers and we worked on Saturdays.

My parents drove to New Jersey from Pennsylvania the day before the wedding. I remember waiting anxiously for them to arrive at the shop. Someone asked me if I was at all nervous. I wasn’t…or so I thought.

I was giving a customer a manicure when a woman walked into the shop. With the glare of the sun coming through the front windows, she looked like my mother. I excused myself and said, “Hello” as I walked towards her. The closer I got to the woman I could see that it wasn’t my mother. My father in law to be gave me a strange look and said, “I didn’t know your mother was Chinese?” They had met only once before. Boy did I feel silly! I apologized and went back to work.

After that I wasn’t so quick to jump up and say hello to anyone. I guess I was a little nervous, or something, about getting married the next day.

After my parents arrived we had a good laugh over the earlier incident. We had our rehearsal at the church and rehearsal dinner at our new house. My mom even threw Myles a semi Bachelor party, with all of us there.

We ended up having our reception at Myles parents house. About 80 of our family and friends attended. His mom cooked all of the food..God bless her!

My dress came from a department store and needed very little alterations. Everything worked out perfect.

The Beginning Years

Early on in a marriage there is a learning process. Myles and I had to get use to living together, learning each others quirks, habits, and routines, among other things. Not to mention me becoming an instant mother of two young boys. It wasn’t always easy but the love we had for each other was strong enough to get us through it all. In fact our love grew even stronger through the rough times.

We had the two boys and a new baby on the way within the first year. I couldn’t be happier. Our daughter, Heather was born 1 week before our first anniversary. We call her our “Fiddler baby” because Myles was acting in the play, “Fiddler on the Roof” at the time and I went into labor immediately after the last show.

I stopped working after Heather was born to be a stay at home Mom and care for our 3 children.

The Navy transferred Myles to Connecticut that summer.

While we were living in Connecticut, Myles mother passed away suddenly. After a lot of discussions, tears, and sleepless nights, Myles decided to leave the Navy after 10 years of service. He needed to be near his father.

We moved back to New Jersey and started our civilian life.

Our son Craig was born nine months after Myles mother had passed. I always believed he was conceived the night we got the news. The saying, “When one person passes another is born” made perfect sense to me ever since.

Myles father passed away 3 years later of a broken heart.

About a year later our son Andrew was born. Coincidence? I think not. Even though Andrew never met his paternal grandparents, he has had dreams about them. He told us in one dream Grandma was eating peas. She loved peas…he never knew this. I believe God works in mysterious ways and this was one of those times.

The Early Years

As many people with children know, it is not easy raising kids. But you love them with your whole heart and do the best you can. Thank God for our parents who showed us by example how to raise children and to be a solid loving family.

I was lucky enough to be able to be a stay at home mom for most of the time. I had a few jobs here and there but always ended up back home with the kids. I even ran an in home day care for a few years, which I enjoyed very much.

Myles and I take pride in our children and their success. We are a very close and loving family regardless of who strays now and then. They always come back to the loving family they’ve known their entire life.

Our children now have growing families of their own and can raise them as best they can with the examples they have been shown.

The Middle Years

Myles did a lot of world traveling for his job during the 90’s. He would be gone for 2, 4, even 6 weeks at a time. He was building a career and supporting our family. I appreciate all that he sacrificed every day. He worked so hard for so many years. I know it wasn’t easy for him to be away from us.

We were able to take a family camping and boating vacation in 1999 to Georgia with Myles oldest brother and his family. I think we were a group of 15 people. That was a fun time! We didn’t get a chance to take too many family vacations, so when we did, we tried to make them fun for the kids.

Myles always says one day he will take me to the places he’s been to show me how beautiful they are. I’m holding him to that…lol!

We got the chance for the two of us to take a much needed vacation one year. Myles had an extended stay in Taiwan which kept him there for 2 months straight. His boss treated us to a trip to anywhere we wanted to go to make up for the extra time Myles was away.

We decided to go to Jamaica. It was only a 3 day trip, but it was great! This was my first time outside of the US. We had a lot of fun in those 3 days and the traveling bug in me came alive.

In 2002 we took a 13 day family vacation to Disney World in Florida. Chris and Carl were older and couldn’t go because they had jobs and couldn’t take the time off.

In 2004, Myles had enough of the business traveling. He changed jobs so that he could be home with our family. He was still working long hours but at least he was home every night.

Myles always thinks of special ways to celebrate our love. We’ve gone to Caesars Cove Haven Resort in the poconos in Pennsylvania for long weekends enough times that we are now in the “Forever Lovers” group.

The Later Years

When we became empty nesters in 2013 our life changed. Myles always said to me, “When the kids are grown and out of the house, we better be able to get along.” I think we get along pretty well after all these years. There are some days that we don’t say much to each other, but that’s ok because we know what is happening with each other and sometimes there’s nothing to say.

We try to do little things for each other now and then just to let the other know we still care.

Now with our own consulting business taking us up and down the eastern part of the United States and Canada, we spend more time together and I couldn’t be happier.

We are able to take vacations throughout the year, mostly places we can scuba dive, and enjoy each others company.

Our Secret to 34 Years

Always forgive and forget, pick your battles, and most of all, love one another.

We always start and end our days with a kiss and say I love you.

We have our moments when things aren’t so blissful but everything always works out. Our relationship grows stronger year after year. We have become best friends and soul mates. If I had a choice, I would do it all over again!!